Commanding Data
Filed Under Unapproved Tech |
I had a chance to sit down with Jim Trender who is part of the famous team of engineers from the Enterprise. His other claim to fame of course is his part in the Commanding Data incident. I would like to make clear that he and the other two engineers are top notch people with years of experience and service in Starfleet and I have the utmost respect for him and his team.
Because Commander Data’s schematics are available for any engineer to examine it is well know that all of his systems are basically autonomous and Commander Data’s individual parts can operate independently of the system whole. In other words Data can command any part of his body to perform a function and then continue on with other things without having to address the original command to that separate part. Data can command his hand to perform a task and basically leave it to continue on with that command while he does something else.
This of course opens up a lot of opportunities to the inquisitive mind as Jim continued to elaborate. What really drew his attention to Data was the mission review he had read about when a disease affected the whole crew of the Enterprise leaving them all incapacitated. The assistant chief engineer, under the influence of the disease, removed all the isolinear chips in engineering. During the last seconds of the incident Commander Data was able to replace all the isolinear chips before a star fragment hit the Enterprise. What the mission analysis revealed was that Data had programmed each arm and hand separately by scanning the board and the loose chips and then setting each arm to complete the task. His central system only monitored the progress until all the chips were replaced.
It would have to be the mind of an engineer to be able to come up with a hack for Commander Data. Now of course you really can’t do anything too dramatic when you are dealing with an officer, but the temptation is just too great to pass up when it’s an android. What they originally set out to do was to send a command to Data and move one of his arms and see if they could then get that arm to perform a BHS. The BHS or Benny Hill salute is from an old comedy show from early twentieth century earth that was all the rage with engineers some time back. If you haven’t seen the show it features a performer named Benny Hill and in one of his routines he performs an exaggerated military salute with this silly look on his face. It always gets a laugh from the engineering staff.
So Jim and his colleagues decided that if they use a low yield Tachyon emitter with a carrier wave command sequence they could basically reboot Commander Data’s arm and then upload a mapped sequence that would in turn feedback to his central processor giving them the desired effect, a BHS. The feedback would allow them to also slightly alter Data’s face to complete the process.
Well the game was set and they figured they would get the best response if they programmed Data just before he entered the command bridge. Think of all the fun when he enters the bridge and then BHS’s the captain. One of the engineers mounted the emitter on a bulkhead near the bridge and waited for Commander Data to pass. To keep from being suspected of being up to something he opened a plasma conduit panel and ran some diagnostics while he waited.
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop. This is one of Murphy’s Laws and the credo of engineers everywhere, well ones that keep their cool that is. Jim is the one who happened to be in the corridor waiting for Commander Data to pass. He explained that he wasn’t really nervous just excited. But as Commander Data appeared, the diagnostic program he was running on the plasma conduit went into active mode. It sent a surge of power through the conduit that in turn sent out a flux wave that then loosened the emitter that was held to the bulkhead with a magnetic latch. The emitter was set to activate within a narrow band and had been precisely aimed. When the magnetic latch was loosened it dropped only a couple of centimeters but that was enough to miss its intended target unbeknownst to Jim. As Commander Data passed, the emitter activated and ran its program and Data continued onto the bridge.
Success in anything is something you can usually see, like when you plant a seed. You water and nurture it and as you do the seed turns into a seedling and eventually a full-grown plant. After Commander Data passed and then entered the bridge Jim started to close up the panel and remove the emitter. Just as Jim was about to turn and walk away, the bridge door opened and Commander Data exited quickly. Behind him just before the door closed again Jim could hear the sounds of muted laughter. As Commander Data passed, Jim could see what almost looked like embarrassment on the Data’s face. Jim cracked a smile and just then Data looked him straight in the eye. It had worked and he couldn’t wait to retrieve the bridge security video.
The news of the incident made its way around the ship quickly and Jim and his buddies relaxed in ten forward basking in the glow of a successful mission. They were waiting for someone to come up to them and tell them what they already knew. But when that first telling came they all just froze, it was as if the bottom of the ship had dropped away and they were inches from the eternal cold of deep space. They gathered up their senses and quickly all four of them headed off in different directions looking for verification of what they just heard but each person they encountered told the same story.
It seems that the emitter had done its job better than expected; it was just that its aim was off, very off. When Commander Data entered the bridge it was not his arm that was affected nor even one of his legs. Something that was completely missed by all the engineers was that Commander Data is anatomically correct and that part is also autonomous and quite susceptible to the emitter signal program. Commander Data did salute on the bridge but it wasn’t with the appendage Jim and the other engineers were expecting.
Fame is fleeting but a good hack can last forever.
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LOL… OK, that was funny!
But, what did he do? Unzip his pants for the salute to occurr? Or did his powerful robotic salute rip his pants open? And why is he anatomically correct if he’s a robot! Can he reproduce? What do the kids look like? Is he doing Seven Of Nine???!!! Are there pictures avalable? How much per shot? Do you accept major credit cards?