The Great Galactic Bleah
Filed Under Fun with Aliens | Comments Off
A humans need to be pampered is probably without rival in the known universe. We put on a wonderful front of drive and ambition but we always fall prey to the little luxuries that life has to offer and the more exotic they are the more we want them, no matter what.
Planet DodddodnthinTintag was know as the spa planet and for good reason. The whole planet seems have been designed as a steam bath with its volcanic activity and hot springs. But the planets occupants were the driving force behind the whole phenomenon.
They doD’s are a very pleasant race and from First Contact they were more than accommodating to any visitor to their planet. In fact they went out of their way to make everyone feel welcome and when they learned how humans and other aliens enjoyed being pampered a thriving business was born.
The doD’s are somewhat humanoid in appearance and bipedal but that is where the similarities ends. They have some of the characteristics of Earth’s cephlopods in that their skin is very smooth and they can, as their mood changes, alter the color and texture of their skin sometimes with a surprising almost kaleidoscope effect. They have no bones except for one cuttlefish like bone in their back. While they do have two legs they are more like a caterpillar’s and they move by undulating the base of each legs foot pad. Their arms are double segmented but their unique hands are the center of attention and the reason for their fame across the universe.
Their hands have three fingers and an opposable thumb like nub. They have no bones in their hands but like the rest of their body they are powerfully muscular. The palms have a suction like ability with microscopic cilium structures similar to the feet of Earth’s geckos. If that’s not enough they are able to make the thumb like appendage vibrate.
A massage from a doD is unquestionably the best personal experience in the universe and more than one person has said that you will literally melt like butter under their care.
They have a unique ability to sense with their hands the underlying muscles under your skin, human or alien and then in concert with their ability to suction onto the skin they can pull and release all the tension in your body. Their fame spread fast and it wasn’t long before the entire planet was turned into one giant spa.
Massage was not their only specialty as they soon included typical services like body wraps, aroma therapy, and skin care to mention only a few.
Skin care by the doD’s was second only to massage because the doDs had an almost magical ability to heal most all common skin ills. Acne, scars, dry skin, oily skin, etc. Their unique hands were able to manipulate skin in ways that was at first not really understood
But it was skin care that created all the ruckus several years ago and threatened to shut down the spa business on the entire planet.
It all started one day when a customer (who happened to be an engineer) was waiting for his session in a massage room when he casually scanned the room while tweaking his hand held GenScan. He found that the tall glass liquid filled containers that seemed to be part of the decor returned an identifier as human. When he scanned the rest of the containers they each returned identifiers from different alien species. Of course that peaked his interest but when his doD massage therapist became evasive about the purpose of the liquid filled containers it only escalated his curiosity.
When the engineer returned to his ship he ran a full diagnostic on the scan data and was even more puzzled by the results. The material in the containers was a combination of human skins oils and skin cells from thousands of humans. The other containers returned similar results but from many different alien species. He shared his findings with several of his friends who in turn shared it with others and the flash point was set. Rumors started to fly and the doD’s did nothing to quell the speculation. In fact their refusal to respond to or even acknowledge the concerns only fed more fuel to the growing fire.
Soon the spa business on DodddodnthinTintag began to suffer as many customers, human and alien alike canceled appointments by the thousands. It came to a head when several cruise ship lines ceased offering trips to DodddodnthinTintag. Several planets even when so far as to ban travel to DodddodnthinTintag.
When talks of blockading the planet began to circulate the doD’s finally relented and called a press conference.
On the day of conference it seemed that everyone one in the known Universe was channeled in waiting to hear what dark secret the doD’s would reveal. What were they doing with this material taken without permission from the thousands of visitors to their planet? What trust did they betray and what was their hidden agenda?
The reporters that gathered in the cramped room waiting for the press conference all had theories that they shared with each other as they waited for the doD representatives to appear. When the doD’s entered the room they were followed by a well known Earth PR specialist and you could hear the reporters began to grumble about how this was about to turn into a show with nothing to do with the truth.
Something that many people, human and alien alike had missed about the doD’s was their quite nature. In fact most never heard a doD speak more than a couple of words at most as they were more interested in being pampered. When the doD spokesman catapillared to the podium and spoke “Sorry, oil rare” everyone was puzzled and waiting for more.
The reporters started throwing pointed questions at the doD but he just slowly turned and padded back to his seat. As the cries for answers grew to almost pandemonium the PR rep took to the podium and admonished the crowd until they quieted down.
I have a statement to read that will clear the air, he announced.
First and most important the doD’s are a non-verbal species. The vocalization you have just head from the doD representative is the limit of his vocabulary. Each doD has taken it upon themselves to learn at least some vocalization so as to be able to interact with their customers. Many of you may have been unaware of this fact because of the excellent personal services the doD’s offer where no verbal interaction is required.
The doD’s communicate visually by manipulating their skin color and texture. Their non-response to the questions and accusations was not intentional but due to a misunderstanding on how they communicate.
Oil on DodddodnthinTintag is very rare and is only found in a few species of some clam like sea creatures and in the doD’s themselves. It is so rare on the planet that they collect it with the same reverence as some of you may have collected precious metals on your own planet.
Oil is a gift they give each other and the collection of it is part of their mating rituals. They collect it from small glands on their backs and store it for use at a later date. When the first visitors to the planet observed this ritual they assumed it was massage. The doD’s unable to verbally articulate the purpose of these rituals were overwhelmed by the visitors offer of their oil rich bodies.
When visitors to their planet allowed the doD’s access to their bodies it was assumed they were granted permission to collect the oil.
At no time did the doD’s intend to hide this fact or acquire the oil without permission as they believed they were already granted permission by the simple act of offering your body to be touched by a doD.
The doD’s wish to apologize to anyone that feels that they were in some way deceived by their actions and hope that this will not prevent future visits. To better promote an understanding all oil collection will only be done with the express permission from the client.
When the PR man finished reading the statement all the reporters were quiet and somewhat reflective, but only for a moment until one reporter’s voice broke the silence and asked the question no one had thought to ask.
“What do the doD’s do with the oil?” He asked
The PR guy started to speak but you could see that he hesitated for just a second, perhaps to better formulate his answer and then he responded.
“Because oil on the planet is so rare the dodD’s have been quite overwhelmed by the amounts they have been able to collect since First Contact. Before that the amount of oil they collected from each other was so small that they only used it as part of a special and very infrequent ritual. Now that oil is more abundant they perform those rituals more frequently.”
“But how do they use the oil in those rituals?” asked the same reporter.
This time you could see that the PR guy appeared to be a little uncomfortable as he grabbed the podium with both hands and said.
“They use the oil to cook with”
You have to give credit to the reporters for their quiet calm at that moment or perhaps it was just taking a little while for their brains to process what was just said. Several of them very quietly moved towards the nearest trash receptacles to dispose of their half eaten eTuesses. An incredulous voice from the back of the room yelled out “you mean they use the oil to cook their food with?”
The PR guy responded with a subtle nod and the room exploded with laughter. Those who were still holding an eTuesses now raised it to their eyes and looked at it a little closer before they too dumped it in the nearest trash bin.
Well as you already know the secret of the doD’s created only a minor inconnvience for business on the planet because after only a month customers lined up again for massages and skin treatments. Some enterprising cruise lines set up orbiting restaurants because it was pretty much a given that you don’t eat anything on planet DodddodnthinTintag.
Entries (RSS)
